Knowing When the Time is Right

It’s been almost three years since I lost my son. This morning, after spending several hours on another project, my thoughts returned to the manuscript I started less than a year after his death. I thought I might pick up where I had left off and see it through to completion in the next year or so.

I thought about how I would structure the manuscript, what would be included and how I would tackle the more sensitive issues. To my surprise, I found a way around the ever present issue of the possibility of offending people with my words. I started to think, “I can do this!”

Then I sat at the computer and opened the old documents. I read through what had previous been written and by the time I got to the end, which was really nowhere near the end of the real story, I was in tears. Memories of those dark months resurfaced and I could feel depression creeping in on all sides.

I’m not ready to write that manuscript. Perhaps I never will be. I see no reason to put myself through something (again) that tore my life apart. For now, I’ve closed the documents and returned to the edit of Mirror Image – a safe story – because I know now is not the right time.

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6 thoughts on “Knowing When the Time is Right

  1. I was writing it for other people. For those who must walk the road after me and, hopefully, to maybe help stop others from the experience altogether.

    I feel it’s important to write the manuscript, but I’m not emotionally strong enough yet.

  2. I know. I was just shocked by the reaction. But, really, I don’t need to pick up another project when I’m still working on Mirror Image. I need to finish the projects I’ve almost completed rather than move to one that is only just started! 🙂

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